While I was walking in a house which was a refugee house in Nanking Safety Zone during the rape of Nanking, one of the staff in the refugee house gave me a heavy notebook. He told me it was the diary of the former house owner whose name was Kangri Guo. On Dec.27, 1937, Some Japanese soldiers came and raped some of the refugees. Kangri was killed by Japanese soldiers when he was trying to stop them.
Parts of Kangri’s diary are presented as below:
Sep.25, 1937
Bombs were dropped everywhere in Nanking. My family and I hid in the basement. I tried my best to calm down my children even though I was also fear and out of breathe. One of the houses beside mine was exploded into pieces and my house shook as well. My neighbor who lived in that house wasn’t killed by the bomb at first but badly injured. However when I sent him to the nearest hospital, I found the hospital destroyed… By the last minute of his life, he still believed our government would win the battle and peace will come to China again sooner or later.
Nov.19, 1937
My friend Puying who works in The International Committee told me that the “Nanking Safety Zone” is going to be established, and our lives might be saved. However, where the Safety Zone will be is still unknown to him, but he will inform me as soon as he knows. In fact, I don’t really care about the war. The only thing I desire is the safety of my family and me. I couldn’t be worrier right now.Nov. 23, 1937
Thank god! Puying told me my house is included in the “Nanking Safety Zone”. I was also told that because The International Committee was established by many foreigners like American and Germen, Japanese will not dare to attack the Safety Zone. Hope the zone would work well so that my family and I can step away from death.
Nov.24, 1937
I feel terrible! When Puying asked me if I want to set my house as a refugee house in order to accept those who lost everything in the war, I refused and said I am not a Saint… I really understand what those people feel exactly--The extreme fear and depression. I know that! But I also know that taking refugees might get myself killed. I am so sorry to be a self-fish…But I am not brave enough…
Dec.6, 1937
I finally agreed to found a refugee house. I can’t tolerate seeing those poor guys and women without doing anything any more. I am Chinese and so are they! I decided to help them even though it’s a risk for me and my family. One of the staff told me the first part of refugees would come to my house tomorrow.
Dec. 16, 1937
I didn’t see Puying at dinner today. Another staff told me Puying was taken away by Japanese this afternoon[1]. I was shocked. I don’t know what his future will be like. The only thing I could do is praying to God for our lives. Everyone here is frightened although they don’t speak it out.
Dec.17, 1937
It’s said that our leader John Rabe had some conflicts with Japanese soldiers. It seems like they broke into Mr.Rabe’s house[2]. Now I realize no one here is really safe, even our leader. Japanese soldiers can go to anywhere they want, and take whatever they like. Maybe I should have escaped from here… but where can I go?
Dec.23, 1937
One of the guys I know in the Safety Zone was hit on his head by Japanese soldier and died at once. The girl walking with him was raped by several soldiers[3]. Although I was not far from them, I hid behind a building as fast as I could. Luckily, those soldiers were drunk and didn’t notice me. I really wanted to help them but my body was shaking and couldn’t move at all. I watched them being killed and raped and did nothing but just watching! It drives me totally crazy. I even wanted to kill myself!!
Dec.26, 1937
Maybe death is getting closer to me. Maybe I can’t write any more. Maybe I will die just in a second. Maybe… Even now my hands are shaking because of fear. Today Japanese soldiers came to my house, raped and took away 2 girls here. I don’t know how to describe my feeling now. I lost my wife, my children and my parents. But I still believe there are things I can do: I have the refugee house which contains tens of refugees in Nanking. It’s my job to protect them.
If last month I insisted refusing to found this refugee house when Puying talked to me, I would still be a coward who only thinks about himself. But now it’s different. I heard them laugh, I heard them cry. They all have families, friends and even dreams, and all of these above were destroyed into pieces by those Japanese soldiers. One of the girls they raped today dreamed to marry a handsome Chinese army officer, the other one just wanted to sit in a car sometime in the future. Now their dreams will never come true. If god exists, I will question him why he just ignored these savage acts! Yes I am afraid, yet I will protect my refugees. Because If I don’t do so, who else will do it?
Kangri Guo's diary is very eloquent and very well written.
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